You're my little dorito
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
