I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I'm really busy with my period
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