America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
