I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
