if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Randomize
