Do vagina's smell?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
