Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
