Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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