Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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