i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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