I wanna bring you to show and tell
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
