The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize