I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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