I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Randomize