I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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