went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
