Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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