I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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