what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Randomize
