So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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