He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
