Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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