If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
