I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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