you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
