For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize