If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Randomize
