He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
