Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
