thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
