It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I party with great urgency now.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
