What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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