Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
