Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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