You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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