Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
