my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
