my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
