i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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