Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
