remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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