So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
