if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize