I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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