bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
