Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
