It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
The air taste purple.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
