i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
This toilet bowl is my home.
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