Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
