My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
