Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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