Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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