Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I touched a dick in church today
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
