You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
