This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
