Your dad touched me again.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
