he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Randomize