that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize