Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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