I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
