dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
