there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
