Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
