last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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