it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Randomize
