My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
