Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
