You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
