it wasn't lemon gatorade
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize